Thursday, July 30, 2009

Reader or Writer?

If there were a job where reading whatever interests you and then discussing it at length with intriguing people were the requirements, I would so be your girl.

I've realized something. Honestly, it's something I've always known and pushed to the back left corner of my mind because I didn't want it to be true, but here it is: I enjoy reading more than writing. It feels like I'm not as committed if I'm not absolutely defined by the fact that I write, write, write.

The truth is I love to read. A lot of us love to read, yes, especially writers, but I mean, I can literally do it from the time the sun rises to the time it goes back down. This week I've read a biography, a drama, a non-fiction textbook about madness from the 1970's, and a pure sugar and fluff YA book about kissing and social status in high school. And I have a horror and a chick lit in queue by the bed. I eat books, feeling full when I'm finished (momentarily), hungry when half through, ravished at the first page.

I am so many people when I read. My thoughts run deeper and my words run shorter (talking not writing), and I can't think of a better side effect than that.

I'm curious-- if you're happening by-- are you more writer or reader? I believe I am a reader who writes rather than a writer who reads. And I'm okay with that.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Musings on Music while on Medication (oh alliterative joy)

There is a little known song by R.E.M. called The Great Beyond that resonates with me on contradictory levels. The words are likely to make little sense to others-- the band has been known to make fun of the ethereal sometimes nonsensical lyrics by Michael Stipes-- but they make sense to me:

I'm pushing an elephant up the stairs
I'm tossing out punchlines that were never there
Over my shoulder a piano falls, crashing to the ground.

I'm breaking through, I'm bending spoons,
I'm keeping flowers in full bloom.
I'm looking for answers from the great beyond.

These lyrics say, "I'm desperately trying to keep these fragile eggs in the air, three at a time, I'm a circus all by myself, look at me go!" Yet, the eggs fall to the ground, a crunchy-slimy mess, and the singer tap-dances, pointing to the great beyond as a means of escape from the onlookers he imagines are disappointed in him. I know that's not what he meant it to mean, but it's what I hear.

BUT. The music is the opposite. The music floats confidently, calling out, "I've got this!" It has a victory sort of swagger to it, especially in the chorus.

It makes me feel honest -- owning what I am, seeing whom I wish to be.

I think if we were ever able to see music the way God does, it would be in its own dimension, all color and wavy lines, treble clefs and whole notes on staffs suspended in the air around us.

Okay, Darvocet, you've made your point. To bed I go.

Bellevue is a State of Mind

It's clean white linens and a nice breeze in the window today. I am resting, rejuvenated, yet bored.

I'm reading a fascinating book called Bellevue is a State of Mind by Anne Barry. She was a journalist who pretended to be crazy to have herself thrown into Bellvue beck in the 70's to find out for herself if the stories were true. It's just mesmerizing. It's a pretty quick read too, I should finish it tonight. I wonder what became of the women she wrote about; where did their lives lead them after they left that locked, purple door?

It also (being a mental hypochondriac) has me questioning my own sanity, a common practice for me. I suppose we are all a little paranoid, a little neurotic.

I would kill for central air.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Healing doesn't always work on schedule

I am home. I am doing okay, just wishing I had a few more days behind me. Still very sore, occasionally nauseous... blech. Mom is leaving on Monday, but Mike and my boys are here.

I laugh that I decided to try to post every day the week before I had major surgery. Good gravy, Laura, you're an optimist all the way.

I haven't even thought of writing. Sitting here doing this is all I can muster up at the present, then it's back to sleeping or shuffling around the house trying to pretend I don't hurt.

Honestly, life is good. I am blessed beyond measure. Others have it so much rougher.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Okay, okay, okay. Not my fault, really. I was at a campground and actually took my laptop, but no wireless. They usually have it, but not this time. My mom and dad are camping with their trailer near our house and the boys are staying with them while I have my surgery.

WHICH IS TOMORROW. Trying to stay calm, haha.

No food today. Usually it's just after midnight, but my doc said no food at all from the time I wake up the day before. Lots of juice, broth, and jello are prescribed. =/

I have so many ideas for my story, I'm almost glad I didn't write before they came to me. They change things pretty drastically, and I'm so excited to begin hammering them out. Today I have to clean the house and get my "sick room" ready on the main level. No stairs for a while.

Otherwise, life is good. We got a new kitten, and she is cuter than she should be.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Lost in Laundry

I have fourteen minutes to meet the challenge I only made yesterday. And so it begins... haha.

I saw the new Harry Potter and was only bothered by one scene. Why change the setting of a scene that worked beautifully in the book? =/ Otherwise, it was great, until the baby (yes, baby) started screaming. Please. Don't bring a child who can't enjoy the movie to a 2 1/2 hour movie. It's mean to the child as well as the patrons who paid a freaking mint to see the movie.

I also watched Lost in Austen, which came through the mail today. LOVED it. Just... loved it. It's fun, and they really capture the language of the book. I'm re-watching it now until I fall asleep.

I didn't write today-- too many movies and laundry folding going on. Tomorrow Mike wants to skip church and spend the day together, hunting down flea market treasures and going out to dinner for our anniversary (which is actually on Wednesday, but so is my surgery, so-).

They're making Lost in Austen into a movie here in America. I can't wait.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

A Challenge

0 words

Okay, here's the situation -- ("my parents went away on a week's vacation, and -- they left the keys to the brandnew Porshe," courtesy my 90's mind and Will Smith).

I'm going to challenge myself to write in here every day for a year. I hesitate to type this because I'm afraid I'll fail, and it'll be just another thing to add to that long list... but I'm going to go for it.

I'll also post the number of words written that day. Here are a few excused reasons for not posting during the next year: Surgery (though I'm going to try to post before I go in). Death in the family (dear Lord, let's hope not). I can't think of any others. If I don't have access to internet for a day or two, I can write in Word and post when the internet returns.

So, here goes nothing. I have officially blogged on July 17, 2009. It begins. And now I sleep.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

She's baaaaack....

And a month later... OVER a month later. Wow.

I think this blog makes me feel guilty, haha. I started it to blog my writing journey on this novel -- to read others' journeys and feel inspired, to share the process... and then I quit writing. I don't mean that I intentionally quit or that I want to quit or that I have "officially" quit. I still plan to write the story, but I'm not. I'm grading papers and living life... and not making the time to write.

And this is when it should be easy. It's summer, after all. I have one class to teach, 18 papers to grade once a week. I mean, c'mon. The fall is when I'll have to schedule time to write or it won't happen. This, now, should not be such a struggle.

I did write a few pages before I just... stopped. And I have a prologue in my head that is begging for space on the page.

I will pick up again. I will come back to what I know and put fingers to keys.

In other news, I am scheduled for surgery one week from tomorrow. The same day as my 14th anniversary. The recovery will be 4-6 weeks, and I should have time to write from my "sick" bed. It is what they call "routine" surgery, no illness really, just putting myself back together. Not cosmetic either, haha. Oh, I wish I had the money for a little lipo...

Anyway. I'm back.